She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I skipped work to stalk him.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize