So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
