Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
