lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i now understand why vodka
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
