The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
