So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize