He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
