You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
