Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
