And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
