Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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