the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
is wine microwaveable?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
