I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
