Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
