i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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