dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
