I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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