Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
