What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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