the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
