so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
