I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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