You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i came on her dog
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
