And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
