I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
How's work?
Spinning.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
