upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
