It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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