I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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