Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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