I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
