Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Found your dick twin last night
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
