he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
