Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
