there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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