my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
