Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I want to walk on stilts...naked
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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