What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
