My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
