Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
