dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
