M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
