OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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