Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(989): View more from Michigan

i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow

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(626): View more from California

she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song

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(864): View more from South Carolina

A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

He's only a little bit crosseyed.

(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.

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(586): View more from Michigan

Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues

(204): View more from Manitoba

You actually...sewed your costume?

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