We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
