I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
