Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
