I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So many bounce houses so little time
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
