we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So many bounce houses so little time
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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