I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
my shit smells like andre
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
