Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
