In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize