youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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