I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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