i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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