am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
