Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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