Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
