my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
