why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
