Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
