Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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