i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
