For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
