the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
