i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
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