Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
