and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
