allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
i now understand why vodka
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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