Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
